14 October

4 years since I lost Baba.
It is said time heals. I am not sure. But, then it might be true. Now, I am able to think of him without crying most of the times. I can smile remembering what he said. I can cherish his thoughts without tears. And then there are times when I want to hug him, I want to ask for his advice, I want to  know his opinion, just want to speak with him. Then I feel helpless.
When I became pregnant, the first thought that crossed my mind was how would my baby know him. And I cried a lot. Adu has started saying 'papa' now. And I showed her baba's photo and said, "That's my papa, that's mumma's papa, Adu", and then held her tight and cried.

And today, I so much want to be with Aai. To hold her, to comfort her. Instead I'm so far away from her. I called her many times today. She tried to sound normal so that I don't worry. I know she is upset, very! She misses Baba every single day, but refrains from mentioning it, even tries to appear cheerful so that we don't constantly worry about her. I want her to be happy.

Insight

Whenever I return from a holiday (long or a short one), I realize-

1. There is more beauty in the world than I (busy in my routine) give it credit for and it is found at the most unexpected places.
2. My bed in my home is the most comfortable of all.

Six months letters- All clubbed in one

Dear Adu,

If you are wondering that why I wasn't more ardent in recording the things you did in the first 6 months of your life, let me tell you that I was busy experiencing the fun you brought into our lives. And really, I had to choose between living the moments and logging them, I was that short of time and I chose the former. But, as you turned 6 months old, this month (on 7th Sep), I can't let this milestone pass without notice. So, let me tell you how much and how well have you grown in these six months.

Month 1: We came home from the hospital when you were just 6 days old. As I was waiting at the hospital gate for Ritesh to bring the car, I felt so proud in holding you. And I was aware of others' admiring looks in your direction. Already? I thought. Well, you slept throughout your first car ride. And, in that first month, you slept very well during the day. Night time, although was a different story. You thought that it was the time to see the world, know your parents and do things in general. Your daddy cleverly thought that it must be light which makes you sleep during the day and the absence of it keeps you up at night. So, we started sleeping with the lights switched on. That enabled you to sleep for a few extra...minutes! I can't imagine what we would do if it was not for Ajis who took care of everything and everybody, kept the house running, kept you happy with oil massages, hot baths and songs and helped me in recovering after the surgery. And of course, they loved spending time with you as much as you with them. And, you had started to smile, though it had nothing to do with us or so we thought...till one evening as Ritesh came back from work and went straight to you, as he usually did, you smiled at him! It was hard to tell then whose smile was broader. I thought it was a mere coincidence but then, another evening and another, and we were left in no doubt that it was a proper smile and was intended towards your dad!

Month 2: Well, sweetheart, at this stage you were beginning to be more interested in the world. And, the first thing that caught your fancy was the heat vent in the ceiling. You would look at it and smile. Just pure joy at the sight of it! It had to do something with its round shape. Yes, that was your favourite shape, so when you were in not so happy mood, we showed you CDs, bangles... round plates and bowls too. Also, you loved the red fish of your first play gym and didn't mind spending some time with it. Your love for marine creatures encouraged us to get a mobile with different coloured fishes and star fishes for your cot. You enjoyed watching them so much so that we sometimes suspected that you would start believing that fishes fly in the sky. All was well, except Ajis' time of departure was approaching and I was getting worried about my sleep. Ritesh and I took turns to keep you company during the night. He slept from 9 in the night to 3 in the morning, and I slept after that till late which I knew would be impossible once the Ajis are gone back. As if you sensed that and one fine day (or should I say, one fine night), a week before they were due to leave, you decided to start sleeping during the night. Well, here I want to clarify that you didn't sleep a lot, but it was sufficient for all of us to carry on during the day and 2 months of sleeplessness had taught us to appreciate whatever sleep came our way.

Month 3: Your first trip to Sydney to see off Ajis happened at the beginning of this month.Well, the car journey went very well in which you slept for most of the time. The highlight of the day was admiring the coloured glass of the adjacent building from our hotel window. In the night, you were upset when you found your beloved round vent absent but, that was it. Otherwise, you enjoyed yourself during the whole trip. And we were so proud of you that we have already planned the world tour with our little traveller. The next few days were difficult as much for you as for us and understandably so. After all, half of the people in your world had disappeared. But, in a few days you saw familiarity in the faces on computer and were happy again. Thanks to Skype. I played Karadi rhymes to replace the absence of Ajis' lullabies and in a couple of days you got so used to that sound that we played it again..and again...and again. And you loved them.  As a result, Ritesh and I started speaking in Karadi language like if one of us mentioned a beach, the other would say- "To the beach, I like to go".

Month 4: Now, your day time naps were considerably reduced. That meant a lot more time to explore the world. Oh well, it was winter, so we were mainly indoors. But, you loved to look out of the windows and we did stand in front of all the windows to get every possible view- construction work, plants, street, cat in the opposite house and other random things. This was also the time when you were learning to be cautious. For example when we got a new play gym for you, it took you almost a week to completely take to it and play in it freely. Same applied to people too. Even though you would smile at them almost instantly from the safety of Ritesh's or my arms, you would look at them, observe their behaviour with us and then after a while you would be ready to play with them. And I must say, your dad was very proud of it! "Our daughter thinks before acting", he would boast. Well, this month also brought us a moment of unprecedented joy when you chuckled for the first time. We both joined you and soon all three of us were cracking up. What fun!

Month 5: Hey, we had company this month and you had another playmate- Aji from Hyderabad. You very readily took to her, may be you recognized her from all these months of seeing her on Skype. And darling, you did flip this month from your back to on your tummy. And the very next day, you started to roll! You had started to explore various objects by grabbing and then mouthing them. Also, you started loving books- paper, cloth or plastic...to eat! Your favourite toy this month was a tape-recorder in bright green and orange colour, with flickering lights. It had mini discs with tunes of various nursery rhymes. Once, in order to entertain you, we thought of projecting a crescent moon and stars from your cot mobile on to the ceiling. At first you didn't like the feel of the dark. So, then, I stood close to your cot, holding your hands as Ritesh turned the lights off- and whoa...you were mesmerized by the scene. Later, that night whenever you got up, you would look at the walls and the ceiling as if searching for those stars. Oh, I wanted to show you the real star lit sky but, the cold wouldn't let me take you out in the night. But, we would do star gazing soon, let it be a bit warmer.

Month 6: Heading towards half an year mark! And your favourite game this month was peek-a-boo. You liked to play it endless number of times till you would dissolve in laughter. You had started manouvering things properly and using random objects as teethers- anything soft or hard, your hand or mine would do. Also, you loved having fun and wanted others to join you in the riot. So, when you woke up for your early morning feed and we would pretend to be asleep, you would twitch Ritesh's nose, pull my hair and when we opened our eyes, you would squeal in delight. You has started recognizing familiar sounds and one of which was 'Skype call', that made you look at the laptop instantly and smile. You knew how to enchant your audience, thus bringing a lot of pleasure to the admiring grand-parents!

That's all for now. Happy growing...

Love,
Mumma

Looking back

...five years!

I just had this idea yesterday that we should read those e-mails which we exchanged then. There are a few hundred of them over a six month period and we have just read a couple of months' mails yet. But, we saw a young boy and a girl, full of ideas, involved in a lot of interesting activities, with a possibility of romance, doing innocent flirtation and of course busy in their respective work too. It was good to realize again how we were all those years back.

 

Ritesh and I thoroughly enjoyed going through those mails and we intend to read them all to see a love story unfold again. And it was fun as we were transported to that time and place, he in Perth, I in Bangalore, and we would tell each other what we thought on reading a particular mail.

 

I fell in love with that boy all over again.

And, it led to some introspection as well. I realized that even with the busy schedule, I used to read  an eclectic mix of books like, in the month of August 2007, I had read Animal Farm, Inheritance of loss, Doctors, and Harry Potter & the Deathly hollows.

 

We are aware that the past couple of years have been very busy, with my taking on part-time MBA along with the job, Ritesh starting his second Masters, then pregnancy, building house and all. But, now is the time to take control of things again. And, we both decided that we would find more time to do things that interest us. Afterall, living life cannot be an excuse for not having fun... 

Arty stuff...

I've been intending  to gift a painting or so to my MIL for quite some time. I had a vague idea in my mind, but it took a while to fully conceptualize it.
I made table-mats with Warli painting, using gold, silver and copper colours. I used three different designs and made a red and green mat in each design. The boundary was a kind of running stitch with a dull golden ribbon.

Here are the pictures-






 

  People dancing

               

              

                 Harvest

 

 



                   

                 Temple

 

 

Finally, got these laminated before giving them to her. I couldn't take pictures after lamination. But, I was pretty happy with the final result.

 

 

Advika...The birth story

7th March 2012, 6:20 pm- the single most unparalleled moment of my life.

It was an elective cesarean as the baby's head was quite high up at 40 weeks gestation. We had an appointment with my obstetrician- Dr. O'Rourke on the 6th and after the ultrasound, he told us that I had less than 10% chance of having a normal delivery. So, the choice was between 7th and 8th March. Ritesh wanted to hold the baby sooner than later and I had another reason to choose the 7th- my baby's birthday would coincide with Aai-Baba's marriage anniversary.

So, on 7th, Ritesh and I went to the doctor's, early morning to get the paper work in order. My mum & aunt (Jaya Mavshi) had come here from India to help us out. They were ready with the food to be taken to the hospital. We put my packed bag and the food supplies in the car and started for the hospital. After some blood tests, I was admitted to a room. I soon changed and the mid-wife promptly got me the tags. My operation was scheduled at 1 pm. But, due to some other emergency, it was moved to the 3pm slot. But then, as we kept waiting till 4.30 and nothing happened, my mum became very impatient. I kept asking her to cool down and that I will be taken in very soon. Actually, I feared that she might chasten somebody for the delay. I had my breakfast before 7 in the morning that day and had nothing since then. Now, my mum being my mum, she went straight to the mid-wife on duty and started inquiring about the status and told her that I had not had a single drop of water for more than 10 hours. Now, my mum is quite strong even in the face of adversities, so I felt a pang when I saw that she was fighting back her tears while talking to the mid-wife. 

Soon after 5, I was taken towards the Operation theater. Ritesh was asked to put on OT apron and cap. I was taken in the OT and the anesthetist started working on me. Once, the veins found and IV in place, she started administering epidural to me. Now, I am really scared of needles. And, throughout my pregnancy, I held on to Ritesh's hand tightly for all the blood-tests. So, when I was found to have gestational diabetes and had to test my blood glucose four times a day, I thought that was my chance to fight my fear. After all, I didn't want to pass on my fears to my baby. And then, when diet control and exercise could not bring the glucose level in check, I started taking insulin injections everyday. But, I think we can't fight all our fears, we just learn to manage them and get on with life, and they do resurface from time to time. And that's what I did. Without actively thinking, I kept doing what was good for my baby. But, there lying on the operation table, shivering with cold, as I saw Dr. O'Rourke enter, all those fears came back. I felt that the epidural wasn't working and told the anesthetist so. She asked me to lift my foot and I told her that I could easily do that. In fact, I thought I was lifting it only to realize that it had become too heavy for me to lift and I had not moved it even an inch. So, after making a complete fool of myself, I settled and started hoping for the best. The doctors started cutting me open, a curtain was raised and Ritesh was brought in.

Then after waiting for what felt like an eternity, the doctor asked Ritesh if he had his camera ready. And then, we heard the baby- our baby cry. That's how Advika came into this world with her head held high! Ritesh squeezed my hand rather too hard in excitement. Or was it the other way round? Anyway, then he got busy with taking photographs. Later on, he joined the pediatrician as he carried out Apgar test and general examination. All that done, Ritesh brought the baby to me. I couldn't hold her properly as my hands had tubes going everywhere. So, the midwife put her face down on me and I kissed her. Ritesh of course was there holding the baby and I started smiling and crying all at once. I was completely oblivious of the pack of medical professionals surrounding me and didn't try to hold back those tears even once. In fact, nothing else really mattered then.

Ritesh accompanied the midwife to weigh the baby. I was stitched back and before they let me go, they needed my blood sample for baby's cord blood storage. I wanted them to quicken the process and in those few moments I felt no fear of the needles poking repeatedly at my arms and hands in sometime futile attempt to find the veins and fill in those 4 test-tubes. When I was sent out of the OT, I couldn't wait to see my baby again. But, I was brought in the 'recovery room'. When I asked where my husband and the baby were to the midwife there, she told me that they would be in the room upstairs. She said that she thought she saw them, going through the corridor some time back- a radiant daddy, proudly holding his baby. She told me that they had all stopped from work to see the duo. "Yes, that would be them", I smiled. I vigorously shook the doctor's hand when he came to check the readings of various instruments, then connected to me. I thanked him and told him that I was absolutely fine, had no trouble whatsoever and feeling great. That confirmed for him that the effect of anesthesia had not started to wear out. After keeping me under observation for about half an hour, I was sent to my room.

That night, in the hospital room with Ritesh and Advika, sleep eluded me. I just could not take my eyes off my baby- so small, so perfect! After a while, when she became a bit unsettled and we could not figure out the problem, I asked Ritesh to put her on me. Soon, she seemed satisfied and decided to get some sleep. Patting her softly, I thought- Life is good!

World Cup 2011: Framing the moment!

Ooh, I don't remember feeling such a high in a very long time. And, I think, it will be so for a while. When I went to bed on 2nd April (actually 3rd here in Australia) at 5 am, I found it hard to fall asleep. In fact, as it happens after any important exam, I kept getting dreams where 4 runs of 1 ball were required & oh, I would wake up only to realise that the reality is sweeter than dreams. India has won the World Cup!

Now, that I love cricket Sachin is no secret. But then, doesn't Sachin equal cricket? Anyway, so this World Cup was a very important one for me. His last WC and all...I was hoping that India win it, of course and that Sachin get a 'Man of the Series' and 'Man of the Match in the final'. One of the three wishes came true. But, thankfully it was the right one.

Due to the time difference, we only watched the first innings of all the matches. And, very early in the tournament I realised that if we continue to ball and field the way we were, we don't stand a chance! Now, I don't know much about bowling (having concentrated on watching batting Sachin through out my life). But, this inference was not difficult even for me. Anyway, India did very well in Quarter and Semi Finals.

And then the finals on 2nd April 2011- Saturday, which suited us perfectly well as we had Sunday to catch up on sleep. After the toss goof up, when Sri Lanka chose to bat, I thought if India have to be World Champion , they must earn it against all odds. So, the outcome of toss should not matter. And then, after the first five overs, I said to Ritesh, "I think its going to be one-sided match, look at the way we are bowling, Zaheer Khan-3 maidens, and bowling is not even our strength". But, it seemed, Jayawardene (and to some extent Sreesanth too :)) played to prove me wrong. Ritesh went to work on his assignment and I started following the game through my mobile on cricinfo. After making all the Indian bowlers completely ineffective, Sri Lanka made 274. Again, some drama- India had bowled very slowly and as a result there would be a very short break. When Harsha Bhogle said that Sehwag and Tendulkar might have to miss supper and come out to bat, I was tensed. That's when Ritesh asked me if I wanted chocolate milk :) Now, the match was being telecast here from 11.45 pm which was precisely the start of Indian batting. So, no more streaming was required.

Ok, as the openers walk to the field, I say to Ritesh, I want Sehwag to be there at least for 15 overs. I don't want all the pressure on Sachin. As if I had jinxed it, Sehwag gets out on the second ball. And then, soon Sachin gets OUT. Needless to say, then all the pressure was on me! Ritesh said, "Ya, this is going to be one-sided, but in favour of SL". I called mom and started ranting- "He deserves this cup, he has been playing for 21 years, this is just NOT FAIR". Mom said, "Beta, abhi baaki log hai na, woh khelenge, jeet jayenge beta:)". Though, she confessed that she is also watching some movie on the side so that her blood pressure doesn't rise. Talk about cricket crazy people. My yet to be 6 year old nephew, Arjun has been hearing about World Cup through out the month and how Indians might get it and had a genuine query about the distribution of one cup to so many Indians.

Just when I was about to give up hope, Gambhir and Kohli showed promise. Ritesh temporarily abandoned his assignment and joined me. And when our heart-beats were getting normal, Kohli was caught and bowled by Dilshan. That got Ritesh & I into discussing some finesse of cricket like what would happen if a batsman hits a ball towards the other batsman and he hits it as well. And we kept building on that hypothesis as to if that ball crosses the boundary, who gets runs for that and similarly, if some fielder catches it, who's out? We would have continued but, then Dhoni got to bat. And then, there was no looking back. We WON!!! With a SIX!!! And that's when they stopped the telecast. We quickly started to stream to be part of the celebrations and the presentation-ceremony. Oh, it was amazing! Excitedly, phone calls were made and received. "Alright, now I'm happy, Sachin can retire whenever he wants to and even I'll retire from watching cricket then", said I. But wait, let that 100th century come along & did I hear that Indian team is visiting Australia this summer. Well then, I'm not retiring just yet!